Yeddyurappa to be first BJP CM in South India

BJP leader Yeddyurappa is all set to be sworn in as the Chief Minister of Karnataka, in a culmination of the BJP’s biggest political coup in the South so far. A beaming Yeddyurappa took time off his busy schedule to grant an interview.

Q: What are your thoughts on becoming the Chief Minister?
A: I am delighted at this opportunity to serve the people of Karnataka. This is a victory for the common man, and in particular, all Hindus of Karnataka.

Q: Could you comment on your name change?
A: (smiling shyly) Changing names is nothing new in politics, where people often change political parties and money changes hands almost all the time. Atalji had changed his middle name from Bihari to Behari, and former Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalithaa had added an extra a just in time before the 2001 Assembly elections (which she won to become CM). Here in Karnataka, my predecessor Kumaaraswamy had added an extra a in his name and tasted political success. In light of this, and our political reversal last month (when JD(U) initially declined to support us), I began contemplating a name change. It was then that my astrologer suggested replacing the i in my name with a d. Thus, Yediyurappa became Yeddyurappa, and I’ve now become CM!

Q: What are your plans for the state?
A: My astrologer has advised me that Anugraha (Karnataka CM’s official residence) flouts some rules of Vastu Shastra, so my first task after being sworn in on Monday would be to redesign Anugraha. I’ve already discussed this with an architect friend from the party who has promised to finish the redesign in a month. Simultaneously, I’ll introduce a bill in the Assembly to demolish the adjacent Cauvery house. It has brought nothing but ill-luck to its occupants, and I wouldn’t want such an ill-omen in close proximity to my residence. (I hope the Tamil Nadu Government will not misinterpret this gesture as a coded message on the Cauvery water dispute)

We also plan to revolutionize the educational system in Karnataka. Murli Manohar Joshi-ji has kindly consented to preside over a newly constituted committee to design an astrology curriculum for students of all ages — from high-school to university.

Q: What are your thoughts on the communal situation in Karnataka?
A: Elections aren’t due until April 2009, so I’ve strictly instructed my partymen to not indulge in any large-scale violence against Muslims (and if they do, to at least not gloat about it to an outsider) for the time being.

Q: Your thoughts on the Tehelka expose.
A: I do not want to comment on it, it’s an internal matter of the sovereign state of Gujarat. I mean, the law will take its own course. This interview is over.

Obama calls for regime change in Pakistan

Three months after his controversial comments advocating American bombing of Al Qaeda targets in Pakistan, Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama today calling for a regime change in Pakistan. “We’ve given Musharraf $6 billion in security-related assistance since 2001, but the return on investment has been sub-par to say the least. If he is not up to the job, we have to find someone who is”, Obama said, and castigated the Bush administration for what the NYT referred to as the belief that “a power-sharing deal with Ms. Bhutto might be the only way that General Musharraf could keep from being toppled“.

Obama’s comments took most of the assembled reporters by surprise, but veteran political commentators saw an attempt at an image-makeover. One of them explained: “You see, Obama faces a tough match-up against Clinton. He needs to show the American people that he can act tough, that he won’t be averse to deploying tens of thousands of American youth in never-ending wars. Three months ago, he goofed up big time when he said he’s open to negotiating with dictators. And he is still making amends.”

Meanwhile, a source close to the Democratic Leadership Council expressed impatience at Obama’s softness vis-a-vis the terrorists. The source noted: “Obama’s campaign has suffered from a series of missteps, and his call for a regime change in Pakistan is probably the only silver lining so far. He now needs to show this was no flash in the pan, and toughen up on Iran, Cuba and Venezuela. I don’t want to be too harsh on Obama, and am certainly glad he’s no Kucinich, but if you want to match-up to Rudy (Guiliani), you better come up with plans for some preemptive wars.”

While some in the Obama camp felt a hawkish posture could alienate people of color, others were more optimistic. “For one thing, critics can’t call him racist — one of the main accusations against the incumbent”, one of them triumphantly observed. “For this reason, I think the business class would much rather prefer a black handler than a white one, someone who can go hard at people of color and illegal immigrants without worrying about the dreaded R word (racist).” Another one angrily retorted: “But they can sure call him a House Negro, and with good reason!”

While not always cordial, the spirit of discussion and debate — so integral to a successful democracy — is alive and well in the Obama camp. And this can only augur well for the future.