Sangh Samachar

Pat Robertson backs Rudy bid, Romney desolate

Posted in satire by ravi on November 8, 2007

Christian evangelical leader Pat Robertson gave a big boost to Rudy Giuliani’s Presidential bid calling him an “acceptable candidate … who can win the general election.” A shared affliction with prostate cancer and loathing of Islamofascism is believed to be behind the surprising endorsement.

“I still hold homosexuality and abortion as the prime causes of the 9/11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina, and that the recent fires in Southern California were a warning from the Lord (as to the kind of raging fires that burn in hell and devour such sinners), but wouldn’t hold against Rudy his softness on these issues”, the Reverend clarified.

On his part, Giuliani welcomed the endorsement and renewed his commitment to appoint conservative judges to the Supreme Court. “I might not hold daily monologues with God like President Bush does, but I do believe in God and look up to Him for guidance and for help”, he said.

While neither side mentioned it, Venezuela adds an intriguing subtext to this alliance. In August 2005, Robertson gave a call to “take out” Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Stung by the criticism that followed, he subsequently rescinded the assassination call but sources close to him say his views on Chavez remain unchanged. One of them explained: “The Reverend has become increasingly disillusioned with the Venezuelan people, and is convinced they cannot install a democracy on their own. He has also given up on the Venezuelan Supreme Court — freeing the coup planners was perhaps its crowning moment of glory. When he broached this issue with Giuliani, the former NYC Mayor said he doesn’t have much control over the Venezuelan judiciary but committed to leaving no stone unturned to introduce democracy in Venezuela. Since then, the Reverend seems to have gotten a spring in his step. He often ends his sermons with a cryptic message: We all know what happened to Allende.”

Not surprisingly, the Reverend’s endorsement has caused tremors in the Republican camp. “Every once in a while, I am left speechless,” Senator John McCain said. “This is one of those times.”

Fellow contender Governor Mitt Romney looked forlorn and desolate, and repeatedly muttered “How? Why?”. University of Massachusetts political scientist John Wayne was equally at a loss for an explanation, and reminded that Ann Romney’s shared love for horses with the Reverend was expected to tilt the scales in her husband’s favor. “Venezuela couldn’t have been a difference-maker, since Romney is as committed to democracy as anyone else”, he observed. The Massachusetts Governor had indeed issued a statement this July condemning Chavez’s “assault on democratic institutions and his people’s freedom” and urged “the friends of freedom in Latin America to speak clearly and forcefully to defend liberty, democracy and human rights”. McCain has been equally critical of Chavez, accusing him of using “the cloak of electoral legitimacy to establish a one-party dictatorship in Venezuela.”

A Giuliani supporter sought to put a stop to all speculation: “We know President Bush talks to God daily. So does the Reverend. Perhaps they had a four-way conversation call where God anointed America’s Mayor as Bush’s successor, and chose the Reverend as His Messenger. It’s only in Godless America that we would deny this and instead discuss the issue ad nauseam”. Perhaps.

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